As I sit here with my inside churning, I am thinking to myself that a) I should sleep and b) that I should follow the advice of the Tragically Hip:
"Does it diminish your
super-capacity to love
Walk like a matador,
don't be chicken-shit
and turn breezes into rivulets
flamenco-sweep the air
and weave the sun
and stamp your feet for everyone"
Pasted below are my new years resolutions from my other LJ.
1. Become more awesome than I already am both phsycially and mentally. K and I are going to join Gold's and we're going to become even hotter than we are now, dammit. I'm sick of not being in the shape I was when I got back from AZ and I'll get back to that! It will happen.
Mentally, I want to culture myself even more. I want to teach myself how to play that guitar that just keeps staring at me when I sit on my couch. I want to host fun dinner parties with interesting people and learn from them. There are so many things to do in this life.
2. Not sleep with anyone unless there is love involved. I'm done with the "well, I just want to have fun and he looks cute and I think we could have fun". Nope. Not for me. It's only emotionally damaging and makes me feel cheap. I know I've got a good enough thing going that I don't have to play those games anymore. I never really had to but I thought I did...so that's what happened. Sometimes it takes a really blunt experience to shock you out of old patterns.
3. Along the same lines as #2...Take risks in love. Hopefully I'll have the sense to hold back when I need to but I should really take more risks with guys who have the potential to really add something to my life and not fall into 'safe' relationships. There's a guy off on the other side of the country who gets me and would be really really great and he invited me out to see him. I should just do it and not think. Plus, I've always wanted to go to Vermont. ;-)
4. Give myself a break. My uncle is dead. Maybe I'll be able to breathe now. I want to get closer to my aunt and now that he's gone...this could actually happen.
5. Give more love and spend my energy on nurturing true, genuine, and good relationships with people.